( CT) A Lesson Learned from Sudoku 輸給數獨也輸給我自己了

Happened on March 20th
Written on March 27th.


During the whole week, I had done at least two sudokus (beginner and medium). The night before the test, I felt like I can finish the medium one in time and still have time to challenge the difficult one. However, what happened was not what I had expected.
整整一個星期我至少做兩個數獨(初&中級)，而考試前晚我還想說根據我之前的記錄，覺得我應該可以在時間內完成中級的，而且還會有時間挑戰高級的，但事實卻不然…

Such a big failure. That deeply and heavily hurt my confidence. The moment when I left the classroom, I was still holding a grudge against myself; then I blamed myself; next I felt sad. What's even worse was that I had only 5 mins to to clam myself down before I met my supervisor.
挫敗!!重重地傷了我的自信…當我離開教室的那一刻，先是不甘心、再來是自責、接著是難過，慘的是我只有五分鐘整理我的情緒，因為我跟指導老師約了見面…

If you could not get a good result after making all of the efforts, why should we still be working hard? That was my first question for myself. I understand when people told me that if you don't work hard, you never get a good result. Even though, the failure in the reality made me really depressed and kept blaming myself for the thing which I definitely could make it but I did not. Does this situation imply something about me?
如果努力得不到好結果，那為什麼還要努力呢？這是我的第一個問題，雖然我知道不努力永遠得不到好結果，可是現實的挫敗還是讓我很沮喪..而且我明明可以做到的，這到底是說明什麼？我的能力不好? 抗壓性不高? 期望太高?

Besides, I lost not only my confidence but my memorable rings and hair band. On the same day, I found my ring was gone when I finished the test and my pretty hair band from my sister was gone too after I finished the restroom. The lost of the ring and hair band made the lost of feeling even stronger. Right after the mini Chinese class, I went home. On the way home, I then again kept blaming myself for being not able to do what I could have made it. But why could not I make it? Thinking about this, I didn't sleep well last night. I wanted to sleep to ease myself, but I couldn't. The boxes and numbers of sudoku were hanging around in my mind.
再加上，我不只是失去了我的自信，我的一些東西也不見了，考完試後，發現我的尾戒不見了，而上完廁所，也發現妹妹給我的漂亮髮飾也不見了，失去這些東西讓我更加「輸得徹底」勉強自己上完中午的中文課後，馬上回家…路上不斷的責怪自己，明明就可以做到的，但為什麼卻做不到呢？那晚也睡不好，想睡卻睡不著，數獨的格子和數字一直在我腦海裡揮之不去，可惡啊！


It took about one week for me to recover from depression and to take out my failed sudoku sheet to take a close look. Facing this blue and hateful sudoku sheet twitches my heart. The battle between self-denial and self-value is very likely still happened again and maybe often. However, time is a really good medication to cure the symptom of sadness and misery.  Being a loser sometimes helps me know my limits and things I should work on. So..jiayou and never ever give up yourself.

 

                                  (After the test, I tried again.)       (The one I have learned the lesson from.)

而一個星期後，我漸漸不再沮喪，也可以拿出我的那張讓我感受失敗的數獨單，看著這藍色可恨的單子，我的心還是會抽痛一下平常心寫這篇文章，不斷的自我否定和尋找自我價值的戰鬥可能還是會發生，而且是可能是常常發生，但是，時間真的是很好的良藥，可以治療悲傷和苦難，當一個失敗者只是讓我清楚我的極限和我可以努力的方向。

所以，加油吧！千萬不要放棄自己