( CT) A Lesson Learned from Sudoku 輸給數獨也輸給我自己了

Happened on March 20th
Written on March 27th.


During the whole week, I had done at least two sudokus (beginner and medium). The night before the test, I felt like I can finish the medium one in time and still have time to challenge the difficult one. However, what happened was not what I had expected.
整整一個星期我至少做兩個數獨(初&中級)，而考試前晚我還想說根據我之前的記錄，覺得我應該可以在時間內完成中級的，而且還會有時間挑戰高級的，但事實卻不然…

Such a big failure. That deeply and heavily hurt my confidence. The moment when I left the classroom, I was still holding a grudge against myself; then I blamed myself; next I felt sad. What's even worse was that I had only 5 mins to to clam myself down before I met my supervisor.
挫敗!!重重地傷了我的自信…當我離開教室的那一刻，先是不甘心、再來是自責、接著是難過，慘的是我只有五分鐘整理我的情緒，因為我跟指導老師約了見面…

If you could not get a good result after making all of the efforts, why should we still be working hard? That was my first question for myself. I understand when people told me that if you don't work hard, you never get a good result. Even though, the failure in the reality made me really depressed and kept blaming myself for the thing which I definitely could make it but I did not. Does this situation imply something about me?
如果努力得不到好結果，那為什麼還要努力呢？這是我的第一個問題，雖然我知道不努力永遠得不到好結果，可是現實的挫敗還是讓我很沮喪..而且我明明可以做到的，這到底是說明什麼？我的能力不好? 抗壓性不高? 期望太高?

Besides, I lost not only my confidence but my memorable rings and hair band. On the same day, I found my ring was gone when I finished the test and my pretty hair band from my sister was gone too after I finished the restroom. The lost of the ring and hair band made the lost of feeling even stronger. Right after the mini Chinese class, I went home. On the way home, I then again kept blaming myself for being not able to do what I could have made it. But why could not I make it? Thinking about this, I didn't sleep well last night. I wanted to sleep to ease myself, but I couldn't. The boxes and numbers of sudoku were hanging around in my mind.
再加上，我不只是失去了我的自信，我的一些東西也不見了，考完試後，發現我的尾戒不見了，而上完廁所，也發現妹妹給我的漂亮髮飾也不見了，失去這些東西讓我更加「輸得徹底」勉強自己上完中午的中文課後，馬上回家…路上不斷的責怪自己，明明就可以做到的，但為什麼卻做不到呢？那晚也睡不好，想睡卻睡不著，數獨的格子和數字一直在我腦海裡揮之不去，可惡啊！


It took about one week for me to recover from depression and to take out my failed sudoku sheet to take a close look. Facing this blue and hateful sudoku sheet twitches my heart. The battle between self-denial and self-value is very likely still happened again and maybe often. However, time is a really good medication to cure the symptom of sadness and misery.  Being a loser sometimes helps me know my limits and things I should work on. So..jiayou and never ever give up yourself.

 

                                  (After the test, I tried again.)       (The one I have learned the lesson from.)

而一個星期後，我漸漸不再沮喪，也可以拿出我的那張讓我感受失敗的數獨單，看著這藍色可恨的單子，我的心還是會抽痛一下平常心寫這篇文章，不斷的自我否定和尋找自我價值的戰鬥可能還是會發生，而且是可能是常常發生，但是，時間真的是很好的良藥，可以治療悲傷和苦難，當一個失敗者只是讓我清楚我的極限和我可以努力的方向。

所以，加油吧！千萬不要放棄自己

Relax after Speech 終於可以放鬆一下

I slept so well that I didn't want to wake up this morning. However, in order to practice my speech which I need to modify again, I snoozed a little and still get up to get ready for my speech.
昨晚睡得特別好，所以今早真的不想早起，但是為了練習演講，賴了一下下床後還是決定起來好好準備演講。

As I mentioned earlier, I really feel helpless and stressful about the speech this time. Therefore, I spent lots of time collecting information. I first make sure I understand the material I am going to use and then I drafted the speech. (Just in case you don't really know me that well, I would like you to know that I have no ideas or any concepts of stock or business.)
這次的演講如我先前所說的，讓我非常不知所措。
所以花了一些時間搜集資料，讓我自己先懂要說明的內容後，才開始打演講稿，如果你不是很了解的我的話，我在此說明一下，我對於這種股票、商業性質的內容一點點的概念都沒有…

With the encouragement from D and diligently preparation of the materials, I kind of have a feeling that I may make it.
因為D的鼓勵再加上花時間整理資料，在準備過程中，有感覺我應該可以做到


And I really made it today. OH-------- YEAH!!

而今天我真的做到了！喔~~~~~~~~~~~~耶!!

Frankly speaking, I was very very nervous this time. While making speech, I was not even sure I know what I was talking about. There are a few seconds my brain is blank. Even though, I got the best grade for this speech.
說實在的，我這次真的很緊張，在演講時，我都不是很確定我自己在說什麼，有那種幾秒頭腦是空白的，但演溝後的結果反而是我目前成績最高的。

I can't believe that I really made it.
我真不敢相信我做到了!!

When I was home, I decided to make a big meal, nothing special, but just to cook something different to reward myself. (Instead of saying cooking something different, I would also say put whatever I have to cook.)
回家後，決定煮個大餐，但也沒什麼特別，只是煮點不一樣，或是說雜燴:，就是有什麼就加進去，來獎勵自己。

BTW, on the way home today, I noticed of the green spouts on the trees. Spring is here. I feel like I am so blessed watching the scene in front of me. (PS. This morning the bus driver said I am a princess and that reminded me of my father.)
對了，回家的路上，發現樹木開始發綠芽了，春天來了，而當下看著眼前的景色，我覺得我好幸福喔！(PS 今早公車駕駛說我是princess耶，讓我突然想起了我爸爸…)

(CT) I was the one? 萬屏中選？

Date: March 15th (Thu)

This time is an activity for self-promoting in 3 mins to tell the class that you are the best candidate for the Ark.
這一次的作業，簡單來說就是每個人有３分鐘說明自己為什麼是可以上方舟的最佳人選。


When I knew the content of the activity, I asked the teacher to know what NOT to say to avoid any compliments from classmates or hatred between countries, because I may be the only one who looks like a slightly different from the classmates and some of them know I am not an American.

當我知道活動內容時，我問了老師，因為我看起來可能是唯一一個不是美國人的學生，所以我不知道我應該要注意什麼才不會引起民怨，或是有什麼是我要注意的不要造成國際仇恨…呵。

Of course everyone has different and unique personal traits. However the interesting part for me is someone said she should be the candidate because she is good at throwing parties; someone said he is the youngest in the class and he doesn't want to die at this young; some people said they have great leadership; a few said they have kids at home so they know how to take care of people. To my surprise, the classmates didn't take this activity seriously and it was quite obvious that some of them just come up their words at the last moment. Unlike me, I was so nervous to death that I would say something wrong.  Almost everyone finished in a very very short time. The teacher didn't have the chance to use the stopwatch.

很有趣的是，每個人都有特長，但有人說應該要選她因為她很會辦派對，有人說因為他是年紀最小的，而他不想死，也有一些人說他很有領導能力，也有人說家裡有小孩，很懂得照顧人…等。意外的是，大家似忽並不是把這項功課看得很重，每個人上去不到三分鐘就下來了，而且很多人都是臨時才想的…等，不像我緊張的要命，怕我會說錯話。

To my another surprise, I was the chosen one. The teacher didn't say my name right and he looked at my direction. I thought it was the boy sitting behind me, or I would definitely have a BIG smile. After the class, the teacher said congratulations to me and I realized that was me. Wow. this is definitely one of the best birthday presents I have had.
很意外的，最後的結果竟然是我，因為老師並沒有把我的名字唸清楚，但他看我這裡，所以我以為是坐在我後面的男生，要不然我當下一定是一個大大的笑容…下課後，老師跟我說恭禧時，我才知道那個人是我！哇！這肯定是我最棒的生日禮物之一囉！！

The idea of this activity is let us practice how to promote yourself for the future job interviews. How to leave a good impression and have people think you are the one they want is a great goal to think of it all the time.
這個活動的目的是當然不是因為真的有方舟，而是為了要讓學生練習面對以後的面試，怎樣讓人留下好印象，又能讓人家覺得你就是他們想要的那個人，這是值得長時間思考的。

AYRQ (Ark) of Humanity Competition

• THIS CLASS HAS BEEN SELECTED.  ONE MEMBER OF THE CLASS WILL BE GRANTED ADMITTANCE ON BOARD THE AYRQ (Ark) OF HUMANITY.  MAY THE BEST QUALIFIED PERSON BE SELECTED.
  Do YOU have what it takes to be selected?
  AYRQ Competition Rules
  
  1. Each person will have up to three minutes to present his/her argument as to why he/she is the best selection of all the people in the class for admittance aboard the AYRQ.
  2. Once all applicants have spoken, there will be a vote.  One vote per person, and no individual may vote for his/herself. 
  3. The individual with the most votes wins.
  4. The top vote earner will recieve a seat on the AYRQ, as well as a 100 for the assignment.  The top two runners-up will receive an A (94).
  Happy presenting

Revise the Song Need You Now 改寫歌詞"我需要你"

Thinking I will have so many things to do this week, I was so stressed last night.


I have two speeches, two assignments, one presentation, one paper, and some activities to go. I could not sleep well and ended up to sleep in the couch in the living room around 11pm. While I was half sleepy, the song "I need you now" was playing from my laptop. Then, when I woke up around 2 am, I heard this song again. Therefore, to keep myself awake to do some work, I revised the song for fun. Having some entertainment like it, I was sober until 5 am. Then, I dozed off for an hour. Mm.. not sure how to describe this kind of life, but I surely don't want it too often.


Song " Need You Now" by Lady Antebelum
(Black words: original lyrics; green words: revised lyrics)

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
Paper, perfect memos scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the food cause I can’t stay up anymore

And I wonder if I ever clear my head

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need food now.

Said I wouldn’t cook but I lost all control and I need food now

And I don’t know how I can do without

I just need food now.

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time 
Another shot of whiskey can’t stop gurgling at the night

Wishing you’d come cooking me the food you did before

And I wonder if I ever clear my head

For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little hungry and I need food now.

Said I wouldn’t cook but I lost all control and I need food now.

And I don’t know how I can do without

I just need food now.

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

Guess I’d rather dream than feel hungery at all

Happy Birthday? 生日快樂?

I have decided to break my discouraged mood due to Friday's bad performance on my speech during the weekend and get ready to study hard from today. Unexpectedly, I got a phone call from my sister. My family only calls me during the weekend except emergency. They won't call me on the week days. I tried to get on skype as fast as possible. Once I got on it, I got "Happy Birthday" from my father, mother and sister. It was my mother who remembered today is my lunar birthday, so she asked my sister to call me. That was really touched.

當我在週末決定要打破因星期五演講不利而有點失志的情緒時，今早接到妹妹的來電，只有緊急的時候我家人才會在非週末日打電話給我，所以我趕緊上skype，結果家人每人一句「生日快樂」，原來是老媽想起今天是我農曆生日，叫妹妹打電話給我，真的很感動…

When you used to some routines, for example to celebrate birthday with your family, you don't feel those routines are so special that you really appreciate them. Only when you don't have your routine or lost it, you will come to realize that actually you are blessed when having it.

當你很習慣一些「例行公事」時，譬如每年和家人一起過生日，
你不會覺得有什麼特別，也不會特別去珍惜
只有當你失去或不再擁有時，你才會去感受到那份幸福


Usually I don't actively celebrate my birthday, but not today. I bought some chocolate to treat my students in Chinese class. Certainly, we reviewed "shengri" by the way. I was happy while seeing students eat chocolate and have energy for class. I think it is because I did something different on my birthday: make myself and others happy.

Keep going, Kelly. Jiayou!

通常我並不會特別主動去慶祝我的生日，但今天不一樣，
我買了巧克力請中文課的學生吃，當然也順便複習一下「生日」囉
不知道為什麼我覺得很高興，也許是因為我在我的生日做了一點不一樣的事：讓我自己和別人快樂。

Kelly~繼續加油啊！

(CT) Group Discussion & Frosty Ground 分組討論和結霜的大地

It was white on the ground, not snowing, but frosty. Although it was very cold, I feel very happy and excited without a reason. I think it may be I do not have to go somewhere to see beautiful frosty ground, but here. It was a pity that I did not bring my camera with me.

早上起來上課看到白白一片，不是下雪，而是結霜了，

雖然很冷，但莫名地覺得幸福，因為我不用特別去別的地方看遍地結霜，這裡就有了。

(可惜的是我沒有帶相機)

Today we had a group discussion to decide what to share with rest of the class what you have learned. However, we talked about why the teacher would assign us the presentation. (Sigh and speechless...)

A: I don't know what I have learned.

B: No one will have interests hearing other people's stories.

What surprised me was that when we talked about "relationship", what came to their mind is the relationship between their boy friends, but not to me. Therefore, I don't know if that means I am getting older, or they are young.

今天的上課是分組討論，下次上課要上台分享我們目前所學到的，

而當我們一開始討論的是為什麼老師要給我們作業，(無言…)

A: 我根本不知道我學到了什麼？

B: 不會有人想要聽我的故事…

令我訝異的是，我們這一組裡，

似忽沒有人關係良好：和他們的男朋友，

而且一討論到「關係」，他們馬上想到的是與男朋友之間的關係

嗯~真不知是我老了，還是他們太年輕了…

Honestly, I have learned a lot from this class for sure.

Plus, I think the purpose to share your story is not the story itself but the lesson or critically thinking you have learned from your experience. Meanwhile, the rest of the class may learn some thoughts by your experience and stimulate them to have some critical thinking. While discussing, I felt like the era of being a young college student was so far away from me.

說實在的，我目前學到了很多，

而且我想老師要我們分享的目的不是你的故事，

而是希望你從你的故事學到了一些批判性思考

也能帶給同學一些不一樣的想法

唉！在討論的同時，我真的覺得我離年輕的大學時代好遠好遠~~

Course: Critical Thinking 批判性思考

I had postponed this for too long, so I have to write it do. I want to record the moment and procedures of my thinking.

很久以前就想寫了，今天一定得寫，因為我想記錄我思者的瞬間和過程。

First of all, I switched the class of American music to Critical Thinking which is much more interesting than I expected. I have interests and huge expectations to this class when the teacher first began "The unexamined life is not worth living by Socrates", including the interesting class activities.

首先，我換課了，從American Music 換成「Critical Thinking」這門課
我覺得這門課比我想像中的有趣。
從老師開頭的介紹：The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
還有老師說話和表達的方式(不拘小節的人)、有趣課程活動介紹
讓我對這門課充滿了滿滿的期待(雖然作業比較多一點，得要很早就起來…)

During the first class, the teacher want the whole class to figure out what happened based on the fact that a person died in the desert with hand holding a match. Although I got it that it may be relevant to his family, it is always right with the saying " Two heads are better than one." I realized that sometimes the answer of No is not always bad. Instead, "No" can help you think of other possibilities. When you get all of the "NO", you get the "YES".

第一次正式上課，老師要全班一起尋找事件發生的真相
死者在沙漠中，手握一根火柴 => 這是我們所知道的
雖然在猜的過程中我大概清到跟家人有關，
但「三個臭皮匠勝過一個諸葛亮」所言不假，
故事的原由並不重要，但我了解到：
有時候「No」並不是不好的，反而「不」可以幫助思索其他的可能性，
當你得到全部的「No」時，你得到的是「Yes」

Secondly, this was a team-work activity, so you have to listen what other people said. Sometimes, we live in the world that we give ourselves the answers we want; therefore, we are not willing to listen to other people's thoughts. Nevertheless, what other people think of could be the ones you never think of and their ideas or answers could be a piece of life puzzle you need.

其次，這是團隊合作，所以你得聽別人說的，
有時候人都活在自己所給的答案中，所以並不會也不願去聽別人的想法
但是，有時別人所想到的，是你從沒想過的，而那也許就是你需要的人生一小塊拼圖